Wretched Perfection
by Stefan Barany
Summary: A story of fated love set among Stephanie Meyer's Quileute wolf-pack.
1. Chapter 1

The trees became a blur as Nick's nails dug into the damp earth, every step coming faster than the one before. Twilight had passed into early night and all around the silver wolf the day creatures were tucking in as the creatures of the night came out to play.

Beneath the steady sounds of his paws he could hear his own massive heart pounding, and within moments his feet and heart had reached a rhythm like music. He could run like this all night. In his mind, as vivid as the images from his own eyes, he could see the damp forest blur past his wolf-brother, who had been tasked with patrolling the western flank. Despite their connection they ran in silence. The easy camaraderie was peaceful.

It was easy with Brady because he was young, quiet, and not yet goo-goo eyed over some girl. It seemed that the same explosion of wolves brought on by the infestation of bloodsuckers in the area the year before had also brought about an explosion of imprinting. Two more wolves had found their mates in the last few months. Sometimes it made Nick bitter. Sometimes he felt nothing but pity for them. Oh, he did not envy them their lack of choice; but he did long for at least a small portion of their certainty. The imprinted wolves knew their future and relished in the present. Nick lived from patrol to work only to get a few hours of sleep and then do it all again.

It wasn't enough. Fortunately, as a wolf Nick's emotions were simpler, muffled. And when human... well, work kept him pretty busy.

* * *

It was nearly 5pm and he was still crouched atop George Mason's old refrigerated truck. He was meant to be on patrol in an hour but it looked like it would be another long day. Absently he toyed with the ratchet while giving Sam, the first wolf and oldest until a year ago when Nick joined the pack, an update on his eta. He supposed he didn't mind the overtime. The money came in handy, and he still had hopes of going to a real university someday. His trade school certificates and a reference from Sam had gotten him this job, but he couldn't see himself being a HVAC technician all his life. But for now he could not leave home - both for financial and societal reasons. Until he gave up his wolf he couldn't move away. He couldn't risk bursting into a half-ton furry monster in the middle of Tacoma or Seattle.

Nick did not have the dark looks of his wolf brothers, inheriting his mother's fair complexion. He had outgrown his father however, the wolf-fever giving him three more inches in the year before he first changed. At 6'5" he was by far not the tallest Quileute - La Push boys were monsters.

The only real problem with working late was that it was inevitable that he be alone. This tended to give him time to brood which was never good. Increasingly he had taken to playing his mp3 player too loud in an attempt to blast the moroseness out of his head. It helped. Music always did. That thought was not a happy one either though, making him long for the pre-wolf days when he had played in a band. If only he had never come to La Push!

No, he did not really mean that. He was just tired and a bit angry. Worse, he knew it was a thought he should never admit even to himself because the pack, who shared his thoughts when he was a wolf, did not need that burden. But he did miss normalcy He missed dating and he missed his friends back home. It was a dream of which he knew he needed to let go. This was home. This was his family. And yet it wasn't. Now that his mom was remarried he could not even call her house 'home' anymore. And the pack... well, they were his brothers and sister, and yet his half-blood status and the fact that he had come to La Push as a teenager meant he wasn't ever truly one of their inner circle. It didn't help that he was twenty-three either, older even than Sam Uley, their Alpha. But apparently the month-long infestation of vampires the year before had triggered the mutant gene in his body just like it had in the much much younger boys. Half the pack was not even fifteen now... making him feel like even more of an outsider.

Two hours later he was scarfing down half a dozen ham sandwiches, while kicking his steel toes boots off and thumbing through the mail that was building up. Most of it was trash and easily ignored. He gave cash to the landlord for his part of the bills and other than insurance on the truck he had inherited from his uncle he really didn't have many expenses. Food, of course, and lots of it. Gas and laundry supplies. Dalton gave them old brick-like walkie-talkie cell phones to use during the day. Clothes... The members of the pack went through a lot of clothes in spite of wearing as little as possible.

Feeling tired but knowing that would pass once he was flying through the woods, Nick leaped naked from the small travel trailer he called home and padded into the black forest. In the distance of a heartbeat the tall, broad man disappeared and a silver wolf sprung down the well worn trail.

Peace. Purpose. Power. How had he ever resented this? The broodiness of his human brain melted away and not for the first time he considered taking a wolf-sabbatical. It was not unheard of for one of them to just "go wolf" for a few months. He had been rejecting the idea because he wanted to keep his job since Sam had stuck his neck out to recommend him and he wanted the money saved up to go to school. But it was hard to focus on all that when his muscles stretched and contracted whip-like, propelling him so fast that to a human eye he would be little more than a pale blur in the darkness. All that mattered in that moment was the here and now and the thrill of the run. If he wasn't home in La Push, he was at least at home in his own fur.

* * *

The day was perfect - cool but not yet raining. The silver wolf padded down the path with a silence that belied his size. Paws as large as horse hooves choose soft landing places without thought, the only betrayal of his presence the way the forest fell silent at his approach as every creature recognized the dangerous predator among them.

His mission this afternoon was simple. He had been tasked with making the long patrol along the south of the reservation, just north of Forks then down and along the town perimeter. One of the pack made the run twice a week, just in case, scenting for anyone new. So far nothing, not that he was expecting trouble. Since the Cullens had left Forks it had been quiet. Rumors of the massive wolf-pack in the area no doubt did a lot to keep the blood-suckers away and most of the world's vampire population had witnessed their numbers during last year's confrontation with the Volturi.

For the vast majority of this run he was in the shadows of the thick trees and undergrowth, but at a few points the forest cleared so that he could see glimpses of the town. About halfway around he came to one of the few places where he had to cross a road. It was the most exposed part of the trail and the reason why they usually ran it at night. Just ahead was the backside of the only veterinary clinic in Forks, though it was not busy and he could, if he was careful, stay hidden.

He stopped still, peering through a bush, scanning the road and employee parking lot. There were only a few cars and no people. Still he waited a minute longer, waiting for the wind to bring him the scents from below.

He had almost stepped out of the covering trees when the back door swung open and a bulging black trash bag appeared ahead of a petite woman in scrubs. Nick froze low to the ground and contemplated whether it wouldn't be better to make this stretch on two legs instead.

The girl's face was obscured as she walked away from him toward the dumpster but when she turned around after heaving the huge bag up into the great metal can...

Nick's breath stopped. He stared.

It was not a puzzled look. He was not trying to figure anything out. Nor was it a look of wonder, for this sight was more terrible than beautiful. Oh, not the girl. She was lovely beyond any words he might use to describe her later.

Nick stared and knew his life was over as surely as if he has just been swallowed by an abyss. His insides snapped. Little pieces at first falling away followed by the larger picture until even his name no longer felt as if it mattered.

SHE was all that existed. That was all. Her happiness, her safety, her concerns were all that mattered.


	2. Chapter 2

"Nick?" Brady asked the next morning five minutes or so after popping into Nick's mental awareness. If the kid was there that meant it was what, 5am? Nick's brows drew together and his ears pulled back, the dark tip of his silver tail twitching in the wet ferns beneath him.

"Yeah, Brady?" Nick replied, mentally sighing. He had been out all night and this was not the first time he had had this conversation.

Brady didn't answer at first, but instead seemed to truly listen. He really was a gentle soul, Nick thought. "Thanks," the kid finally managed with some sarcasm, "I think." Gentle was not exactly the adjective any of the wolves strived for. "You found her," he added more in acknowlegement than in question.

It was not lost on Nick that Brady did not need to ask questions. The her in question was a given, just like the significance of his finding her. He also appreciated the way Brady accepted the situation without judgment or even the good-natured teasing he had been subjected to all night.

He could have gone human to avoid it, but his senses were so much better as a wolf. And he had needed those extra senses.

After seeing her for the first time Nick had waited patiently for her to leave work, hunkering down and crawling as close as he dared. There had only been four cars in the back parking lot. Of course she could have gotten a ride to work. The wind had been wrong for him to catch her scent, a fact that greatly frustrated him. He could not see the front of the building from his vantage point. If her ride picked her up out front he might miss her.

Nick needn't have worried. A bit after dark she had emerged, chatting animatedly with an older woman. The two continued as they unlocked their cars, ending with a chuckle.

"See you tomorrow!" The older lady hollored with a wave.

The most beautiful creature Nick had ever seen shook her head, her pony tail swinging wildly as if to emphasize her words. "Nope. I am off! It's all yours!". She climbed into a mid-90's Jetta, which started sluggishly. Nick would have to fix that for her.

Without thinking about it Nick had pushed to his feet, prepared to follow her. His massive paws danced in anxiety as he contemplated what he was going to do. He had no transportation with which to follow her as a man. And he could hardly go careening through Forks as a half-ton silver wolf.

But she did not live in town but nearly twenty minutes south in a small white clapboard house off of a dirt road. There were five vehicles in the yard, though all had seen better days. Someone had planted flowers in a lonely box beneath the porch rail, taking away some of the derelictness of the place, but only just barely.

Not having a plan and unable to tear himself away, Nick had waited, concealed in the trees. His acute hearing allowed him to listen as someone bustled around the kitchen, but the flimsy curtain blocked his vision. Instead he imagined her movements and half listened to the cooking show playing in the background.

An older man arrived just after dark, inebriated by the look and smell of him. The darkness brought a heavy drizzle allowing Nick to creep closer until he lay crouched beneath a bedroom window. The water fell in heavy drops off the gutterless roof, beating into his fur. His belly was already sodden and muddy from his day laying on the damp forest floor. She had thin curtains covering most of her window, save a small part of the center, and her bedroom light shone pink through the thin material.

She was humming along to a pop song he could hear playing though a small set of speakers, maybe earbuds? He wished he could risk having a look. It would be easy to stretch up on his back legs and see in the window, but he did not want to risk scaring her. So instead he spent the hours listening to her sing to herself as her nails clicked against the keys of what he imagined was a laptop. Her singing voice was soft, low, and easy to listen to, like a lullaby.

He had never seen her before. Of that he was absolutely certain.

He supposed she was around twenty or twenty-one years of age, and he assumed it was her father that she lived with, though the two bore little resemblance that he could see. There was the smell of another person - male, he thought - as well, but no one else arrived during the night.

He would have to find a way to meet her, though he could not see how just yet. As the night wore on he imagined that first meeting a dozen ways. Each one ended badly. Why should she want him? This beautiful creature was so very far above him.

A whine escaped his canine throat bringing him back to the present. When last he had seen her she had been driving into Port Angeles. He had not been able to follow and so had had to stop and watch her disappear.

It had been a miserable feeling.

"Nick." Not Brady this time, but Sam. And not a question, but a call for attention. "Come home." Not a suggestion, but a command. Nick could do nothing but comply.

When he got to the trailer, Sam was waiting for him already, lounging on the little bench next to the table. The tiny camping trailer was far too small for both large men. Nick pushed past Sam to flop on the padded bench opposite that doubled as a bed.

"This is a good thing." Sam commented dryly, knowingly.

Cocking a brow, Nick sighed. "It isn't the same as the others... As you... She doesn't belong to the rez. She doesn't know I exist. How can I bring her here? Tell her what I am? How can I love her and expose her to this?" He indicted the camper as well as himself and Sam with a small sweeping motion of his hand. His panic was evident in his voice.

Sam snorted and rolled his eyes. Nick held up his hand to wave off the reprisal. "I know, I know." Sam had undergone his own difficulties after he had changed. But his self- recriminations had brought him closer to the pack and in finding Emily, his fiancee, he had discovered a home for his soul.

But rather than offer sympathy Sam gave Nick a deep barking laugh. "You're chicken!". There was a bit of amazement with the humor. "You have had girlfriends before. So go talk to her."

Nick opened his mouth to protest but realized that doing so just proved Sam's point and so he snapped his teeth together with an audible click. For a long moment they sat like that until Nick nodded. "I gotta go to work."

Sam nodded, and as he stood gave Nick a rough slap on the shoulder. Once he was gone Nick ground his teeth together. There was nothing for it than to put himself out there. If he scared her they would work it out, right? So far all of the wolves who had found their soulmates had managed to create loving relationships - even if the relationships would not be physically consummated until the girl grew up.

It was just that that scared Nick. He truly wanted the best for her, and he was quite certain he was not it. She deserved better, someone safer, someone who could give her more than he could. Someone who might not lose his temper and maul her like a rabid dog. She was perfect and did not deserve to be stuck with a monster, a beast.

****And yet he knew he had absolutely no choice. He had to be near her. All that day he thought of nothing else which made him nearly useless at work. When he was finally free, he ran on winged paws to the little dilapidated house to wait for her return.


End file.
